How To Know If You’re In The Friend Zone
by Mary McFadden
From the wise words of Ryan Reynolds in that film nobody remembers the name of, you are in the friend zone “when a girl decides that you’re her friend, you’re no longer a dating option. You become this complete non-sexual entity in her eyes, like her brother, or a lamp.”
It seems a bit harsh, but then again most true things are. Some guys are in the friend zone and don’t even know it, desperately clinging to the hope that he and that girl he’s had a crush on since forever will become an item.
To all those guys out there who don’t know whether they’re in the friend zone or not, there are a few signs to help you have that eye-opening moment when you realise.
This is the classic line. She could spend ages reassuring you that you’re the best guy she knows, that you’re a great listener and how attractive you are, but if you hint at a relationship between the two of you and she recoils in horror, it’s pretty obvious that you’re perfect, just not for her.
2) You participate in girly activities with her just to make her happy
I’m talking about things like letting her paint your nails, make pot pourri and gossip about what so-and-so did behind the bins with whomever. If you’re the kind of guy that likes that stuff then that’s fine, but if you’re not and you’re putting yourself through it just so she’s around you, then you have a bit of a problem.
3) She ignores you when you bluntly tell her your feelings
You could spontaneously go to her house with 12 dozen generic roses to surprise her or pull the moon with a lasso so that it sits just outside her window and it won’t matter. This girl will respond with “Oh who’s your friend?” if you dare to say, “I know someone that likes you…” You either get rejected by telling her your feelings, or you keep them hidden long enough to see yourself enter the friend zone.
Unless she’s into incest, you’re not going to have any luck with that one. If you don’t get that she isn’t into you after a line like that, then you need to allow a merciful friend of yours to slap some sense into you.
By doing this, she is sending a clear message that she is interested in other men. The trouble is, you could be a great listener and you actively try to hear what she is saying in a bid to be ‘in the loop’ and work out what she’s thinking. But this could just reaffirm her notion of how much of a good friend you are. When you make other people’s feelings more important than yours then you’re accidentally letting people know that your feelings don’t matter. This could make it seem like you don’t have a high opinion of yourself, which is the opposite of confidence. And that’s just not sexy.
This is the crucial deal breaker. No matter how much you may look ideal on paper or how much you are crazy for her, if both of you don’t have chemistry then it’s never going to work. You should realise this now before getting so deep into the friend zone that you think something is wrong with you for not being accepted by her. Chances are there isn’t anything wrong with you (I’m going out on a limb with that!), it’s just that you’re not compatible and the sooner you accept that, the happier you will be.